|Posted by Dieuw on November 9, 2014 at 10:35 AM|
“Going back to being adopted/rejected, I couldn't even look at a baby without breaking down. How could my own mother, who carried me for 9 months, give me up?”
Hi! My name is Anna! I'm not really sure if my story will help at all, but I'll share it anyway:)
I was born in Ukraine, which, if you don't know about it, is right next to Russia. I was adopted by a family when I was 2 and brought to Dallas, Texas. I have lived here ever since. But, as I was growing up, I struggled with never feeling like I had a place in my family. I have known I was adopted since I was little but it never really got to me until I was about 11. I struggled a lot with feeling rejected and unwanted and still do to this day. When I was in 8th grade, I went through a depression. I even thought of committing suicide. If you ever have gone through this, you know how miserable it is. I would cry myself to sleep every night. I would look up quotes on the internet that said things like 'I want to disappear' or 'I hate myself' and I would print them out and glue them into a journal I kept. Everyday, instead of trying to look for help, I would pull out that journal with all those horrible quotes and I would read them...and I would believe in them. People at school, such as my "friends", would always put me down, not knowing how much I really took everything they said to heart.
Going back to being adopted/rejected, I couldn't even look at a baby without breaking down. How could my own mother, who carried me for 9 months, give me up? Did she even want a kid? Did she even hold me? Then I thought, she never got to see my first steps, first smile. She won't see me on my wedding day, my graduation or anything. I used to just bury myself in the darkness of my room and just slowly kill myself with my emotions. But, the summer before the 9th grade, I decided that it was enough. Now I know that being a Christian and all seems stupid to most people and I'm definitely not turning this into a sermon but I was introduced to Jesus. Now I'm not religious but when I started reading the bible, I found the one thing that I never knew I could have...hope. I found joy and comfort in knowing that I AM loved and I AM wanted. When 9th grade started, I still continued to struggle with the feeling of rejection but now, I know that I'm not alone. I'm not saying that my life is completely perfect now, because trust me, it's not. I argue with my parents a lot! I have a brother, Misha, and he is also adopted. But, he has autism, so he doesn't quite understand everything. Life is difficult but no matter what happens, know that there is someone out there that loves you! You are NEVER alone. Also remember the feather of hope symbol!
Love all of you, Evil Regals!